I've been working with a few clients this week who have presented with similar challenges, both of them are stuck in a place that makes them unhappy, they can feel that things aren't right, they know they should change something but they keep repeating the same day, day in day out, WHY?
Because as much as they want things to change they are anxious, anxious of the unknown, worried they might make the wrong decision, fearful of change.
When you look as an outsider looking in its easy to say, make the change BUT the person listening is already talking themselves out of making the change.
They are waiting for a miracle to happen, they think if they keep going it will miraculously sort itself out and things will be amazing.
They are not wrong for thinking this way, their brains will tell them anything to keep them doing exactly what they are doing now, the brain does not like change.
Change equates to danger in our primitive minds, if you stop doing things exactly as you do them now then you might not survive. It goes back to primitive man, if he changed they way he hunted he might not get food so he might die, a very simple basic function that made sense back in the days of wild animals and no supermarkets.
Thankfully we don't have the same life threatening situations as primitive man but our primitive brain doesn't know this, our developed evolved rational logical brain does, but when you are unhappy, sad, scared, threatened, you don't think with your logical brain, the primitive brain stands up and takes over.
To relate this to the people I mentioned earlier they are permanently living in their primitive brains because they are unhappy and fearful of what the future holds. This is a green light for the primitive brain to keep you doing exactly what you've been doing that makes you unhappy.
So when you are stuck in a situation like this, be it a relationship or a job what do you do?
You talk about it loads which builds the negativity leading you to be more anxious, great primitive brain loves this.
You think about it constantly again in a negative way, another green light for the primitive way.
You look at what might happen in the future in a negative way , "I'll never find another job", "I might be really lonely if I leave" , the primitive mind loves this internal talk, it keeps you fearful and doing exactly what you were doing yesterday which in turn kept you alive so yep carry on doing this please.
Rational brain 0 - Primitive brain 1
This is why we stay in a job we hate or in a relationship we know isn't right, fear equals no change, and we stay as we are living in our primitive negative mind constantly.
So how do we change this?
I'm not going to lie, it isn't easy, we have to dig really deep to find the inner strength to make changes, it will take time and a lot of questions, positive internal talking and positive relationships to help you find that strength.
My first step on this ladder of change is to think about what you would say to a friend or loved one experiencing the same issues as you.
If your advice to that person is to make some changes then please find a way to give yourself the same respect, you deserve to be happy.
Sometimes we cant see the wood for the trees when it comes to our own situation, we get so caught up in the day to day negative details that we fail to see the bigger picture. We drown in a sea of negatives and cant see how we can get to the surface and swim to the safety of the shore.
We all have choices, we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, if you wouldn't want a friend or loved one to go through what you are going through then why should you put yourself through it?
It takes one small step to climb the ladder out of the situation, that might be talking it through with someone you trust, filling out your CV so you are ready if a job comes up that you like the look of or thinking about the future you would like rather than the one you are in, imagine what being happy feels like.
If you are experiencing a situation that is making you unhappy and you need some clarity to move forward to make changes then please get in touch for a free initial consultation.
Okay, so we all know that sleep is important, but do we really know how important it actually is?
This last week has been difficult in the sleep department for me and boy have I noticed the impact.
I normally have a good sleep pattern and get about 8 hours, this is perfect for me, it keeps me functioning on a level that works.
I've had an injury that has stopped me exercising for the last few weeks so I put it down to the fact I'm not physically as as tired when I go to bed.
My sleep routine is pretty good, bed around 10.00, read until I'm tired, fall asleep.
Until last week........
Then as soon as I lay down to sleep, PING my eyes were open and I wasn't tired, also the injury was causing a nagging pain that didn't help. This went on for about 6 nights and surprise surprise my mood deteriorated during these 6 days, I became:
less inclined to talk to people
less motivated to keep on top of my social media
and most definitely a little more "spiky"
So what do you do when this happens?
My first thought was, squeeze my eyes shut and I'll fall asleep.
Nope didn't work.
Then I remembered something I had read about not lying there getting stressed, get up and do something then go back to bed and you will sleep. So I went downstairs and read a magazine, that helped and I fell asleep.
The only problem was this became a pattern so for about 4 nights I went to bed, tried to sleep, got up, made a hot chocolate, did something like unload the dishwasher and went back to bed.
Brilliant at least I was getting some sleep, not enough though,so as my sleep got less my mood got worse.
Right I wanted my 8 hours back, (LIGHT BULB MOMENT) now the MP3 I give my clients to help them sleep is brilliant for this but I didn't want to listen to my own voice so I used a friends recording and set it up on my phone, headphones at the ready and told myself that if I cant sleep I have a back up plan that I know will work.
I didn't need the MP3 , the change in mindset and having that back up was enough, I went out like a light.
Well I believe it is because I went to bed in the knowledge I would sleep so my brain listened, if I had gone to bed thinking "oh my god I'm never going to sleep, this is terrible etc etc" I would have talked my brain into believing I couldn't sleep.
I slept like a baby last night, my mood is brighter and I'm much less Hedgehog like today!
Sleep is so underrated, did you know it is during REM sleep that the brain processes the events of the day and moves them from an emotional memory in the primitive brain to a narrative memory in the intellectual brain, one we have control over.
We've all experienced the feeling of being annoyed at something in the day, getting a good sleep and waking up thinking why on earth did I let that bother me so much.
"Things will look better in the morning" is an old but very true saying.
Keeping a good sleep routine is so important to keep our mental health in a good positive place.
Tips to help with sleep:
Mental or physical activity during the day.
Calm quiet bedroom with no TV.
Regular bedtime and waking up time.
If you are working late make sure you have switch off time between work and sleep.
A hot milky drink.
Resist the urge to use your phone before trying to sleep, even put it in a different room.
Read a real book, not an e book.
If you are struggling to get to sleep get up and do something then try again.
A relaxation MP3 works wonders for calming the mind.
Be kind to yourself.
If disturbed, or not enough sleep is a continuous problem for you then you may benefit from hypnotherapy, a talking therapy that allows you to regain control of your thoughts and brain. Plus you get a fab MP3
Feel free to message with any questions around hypnotherapy and how it could help you.
Have a great week .