I've been working with a few clients this week who have presented with similar challenges, both of them are stuck in a place that makes them unhappy, they can feel that things aren't right, they know they should change something but they keep repeating the same day, day in day out, WHY?
Because as much as they want things to change they are anxious, anxious of the unknown, worried they might make the wrong decision, fearful of change.
When you look as an outsider looking in its easy to say, make the change BUT the person listening is already talking themselves out of making the change.
They are waiting for a miracle to happen, they think if they keep going it will miraculously sort itself out and things will be amazing.
They are not wrong for thinking this way, their brains will tell them anything to keep them doing exactly what they are doing now, the brain does not like change.
Change equates to danger in our primitive minds, if you stop doing things exactly as you do them now then you might not survive. It goes back to primitive man, if he changed they way he hunted he might not get food so he might die, a very simple basic function that made sense back in the days of wild animals and no supermarkets.
Thankfully we don't have the same life threatening situations as primitive man but our primitive brain doesn't know this, our developed evolved rational logical brain does, but when you are unhappy, sad, scared, threatened, you don't think with your logical brain, the primitive brain stands up and takes over.
To relate this to the people I mentioned earlier they are permanently living in their primitive brains because they are unhappy and fearful of what the future holds. This is a green light for the primitive brain to keep you doing exactly what you've been doing that makes you unhappy.
So when you are stuck in a situation like this, be it a relationship or a job what do you do?
You talk about it loads which builds the negativity leading you to be more anxious, great primitive brain loves this.
You think about it constantly again in a negative way, another green light for the primitive way.
You look at what might happen in the future in a negative way , "I'll never find another job", "I might be really lonely if I leave" , the primitive mind loves this internal talk, it keeps you fearful and doing exactly what you were doing yesterday which in turn kept you alive so yep carry on doing this please.
Rational brain 0 - Primitive brain 1
This is why we stay in a job we hate or in a relationship we know isn't right, fear equals no change, and we stay as we are living in our primitive negative mind constantly.
So how do we change this?
I'm not going to lie, it isn't easy, we have to dig really deep to find the inner strength to make changes, it will take time and a lot of questions, positive internal talking and positive relationships to help you find that strength.
My first step on this ladder of change is to think about what you would say to a friend or loved one experiencing the same issues as you.
If your advice to that person is to make some changes then please find a way to give yourself the same respect, you deserve to be happy.
Sometimes we cant see the wood for the trees when it comes to our own situation, we get so caught up in the day to day negative details that we fail to see the bigger picture. We drown in a sea of negatives and cant see how we can get to the surface and swim to the safety of the shore.
We all have choices, we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, if you wouldn't want a friend or loved one to go through what you are going through then why should you put yourself through it?
It takes one small step to climb the ladder out of the situation, that might be talking it through with someone you trust, filling out your CV so you are ready if a job comes up that you like the look of or thinking about the future you would like rather than the one you are in, imagine what being happy feels like.
If you are experiencing a situation that is making you unhappy and you need some clarity to move forward to make changes then please get in touch for a free initial consultation.
Okay, so we all know that sleep is important, but do we really know how important it actually is?
This last week has been difficult in the sleep department for me and boy have I noticed the impact.
I normally have a good sleep pattern and get about 8 hours, this is perfect for me, it keeps me functioning on a level that works.
I've had an injury that has stopped me exercising for the last few weeks so I put it down to the fact I'm not physically as as tired when I go to bed.
My sleep routine is pretty good, bed around 10.00, read until I'm tired, fall asleep.
Until last week........
Then as soon as I lay down to sleep, PING my eyes were open and I wasn't tired, also the injury was causing a nagging pain that didn't help. This went on for about 6 nights and surprise surprise my mood deteriorated during these 6 days, I became:
less inclined to talk to people
less motivated to keep on top of my social media
and most definitely a little more "spiky"
So what do you do when this happens?
My first thought was, squeeze my eyes shut and I'll fall asleep.
Nope didn't work.
Then I remembered something I had read about not lying there getting stressed, get up and do something then go back to bed and you will sleep. So I went downstairs and read a magazine, that helped and I fell asleep.
The only problem was this became a pattern so for about 4 nights I went to bed, tried to sleep, got up, made a hot chocolate, did something like unload the dishwasher and went back to bed.
Brilliant at least I was getting some sleep, not enough though,so as my sleep got less my mood got worse.
Right I wanted my 8 hours back, (LIGHT BULB MOMENT) now the MP3 I give my clients to help them sleep is brilliant for this but I didn't want to listen to my own voice so I used a friends recording and set it up on my phone, headphones at the ready and told myself that if I cant sleep I have a back up plan that I know will work.
I didn't need the MP3 , the change in mindset and having that back up was enough, I went out like a light.
Well I believe it is because I went to bed in the knowledge I would sleep so my brain listened, if I had gone to bed thinking "oh my god I'm never going to sleep, this is terrible etc etc" I would have talked my brain into believing I couldn't sleep.
I slept like a baby last night, my mood is brighter and I'm much less Hedgehog like today!
Sleep is so underrated, did you know it is during REM sleep that the brain processes the events of the day and moves them from an emotional memory in the primitive brain to a narrative memory in the intellectual brain, one we have control over.
We've all experienced the feeling of being annoyed at something in the day, getting a good sleep and waking up thinking why on earth did I let that bother me so much.
"Things will look better in the morning" is an old but very true saying.
Keeping a good sleep routine is so important to keep our mental health in a good positive place.
Tips to help with sleep:
Mental or physical activity during the day.
Calm quiet bedroom with no TV.
Regular bedtime and waking up time.
If you are working late make sure you have switch off time between work and sleep.
A hot milky drink.
Resist the urge to use your phone before trying to sleep, even put it in a different room.
Read a real book, not an e book.
If you are struggling to get to sleep get up and do something then try again.
A relaxation MP3 works wonders for calming the mind.
Be kind to yourself.
If disturbed, or not enough sleep is a continuous problem for you then you may benefit from hypnotherapy, a talking therapy that allows you to regain control of your thoughts and brain. Plus you get a fab MP3
Feel free to message with any questions around hypnotherapy and how it could help you.
Have a great week .
This morning I was wracking or racking (there's two schools of thought on the correct spelling!) my brains, trying to think of somewhere colourful to get some shots for my website, ideally I'd like it to be outdoors and I'd like the weather to be kind so I'm a bit limited at the moment.
So I'm sitting there thinking and then it dawns on me that my house is pretty colourful, I like big bold statements and I'm not afraid of colour.
In my previous life (before I worked out that being me was perfectly fine} I would have gone with the trends, looked at shops, magazines and other peoples houses and played it safe, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this but I knew it wasn't really getting me in the heart, the place I needed it to matter, I wanted to walk in a room and smile.
My house is not to everyone's taste,
but here's the beauty,
It doesn't have to be !
When I look around I smile, I make lots of the things in my house from bits and pieces I find that I love, most are second hand or unwanted, nothing costs a lot but they are valuable to me.
When I walk into my bathroom even on a gloomy day I smile, I feel happy, I know that I created it and I am pleased with the result, who doesn't want peacocks in their bathroom !!!
Surround yourself with things that make you happy, who cares if they don't match or they aren't "on trend", who cares if you are the only person that loves it, its fine, this is your life, fill it with YOU.
Wear that dress/ jumper/ coat that you bought when you were feeling brave, wear it and feel amazing, show the world who you are.
You will be astonished at how many people will actually wish they were brave enough to do the same.
Decorate your house with things you love and cherish, you will feel a little glow of fuzziness inside every time you walk in the room.
Make something, paint something, create something even if its a digital image that you can look at when you need a boost.
I'm creating a vision board at the moment, its like a mood board but for business, I'm filling it with things that inspire me, its purely digital at the moment but I cant wait to get the scissors and glue out and start making a real one.
Be you, even just a little bit, and see how good it feels to not follow the trend or feel the need to be the same as everyone else.
What’s stopping you?
I can tell you one of the answers is probably your mindset.
When things seem tricky or a bit too difficult or a little bit scary, we tend to just think its not for us or maybe another day, we procrastinate or we say no straight away.
There are two things going on here:
Option 2 is the one I’m interested in with todays blog, the option that if you had more confidence in yourself or more inner strength you would jump at the opportunity BUT because of that little annoying voice saying you can’t do it, you don’t.
For example, you’ve been working at the same job for years, you go to work every day, you get through the day, you earn enough money to keep everything ticking over, it’s a very SAFE option but it doesn’t actually make you happy. You are browsing through some job adverts and your dream job pops up, BRILLIANT, this is it, this is the job that I want to do.
What happens next is one of two things, you dismiss the advert, I can’t do that, they wouldn’t want me, I’m not sure I’m even suitable etc etc, your inner critic, your primitive survival brain talks you out of applying before you’ve even really had chance to look at the application form.
Why does it do this?
Well your primitive brain doesn’t like change and your inner critic works alongside your brain to make sure you don’t rock the boat. The last thing your primitive brain wants is for you to move away from safe, even if safe doesn’t make you happy.
The only purpose of your primitive brain is to keep you alive, back in the days of cavemen when we hadn’t evolved and only had primitive brains, doing something differently meant possible death from wild animals, other tribes etc, so it liked things to stay the same as that meant food, warmth, and staying alive. In today’s society we don’t have the same dangers but our brains have been programmed to see change as dangerous, so we are encourage to avoid it all cost.
If we look at it from a rational brain (evolved brain) view point we know there is no real danger in applying for a job but if we are living in our primitive brains through a build up of anxiety, stress or depression the rational brain doesn’t really get a look in.
The second option is you take a leap of faith and you apply for the job, you overcome the primitive brain, rationally you know that the worst thing that could happen is you don’t get the job, BUT you also recognise that you might get the job and you recognise that this could be the turning point in your life when you start to enjoy working and living again.
Looking at this in terms of a job change is a big step for anybody but it is possible as people do it all the time. We can liken this to other situations such as joining a social group or signing up at the gym, or even getting out for a walk, we really want to do them but that voice is saying no not today, maybe tomorrow, take control of that voice, make that move, take a leap of faith and surprise yourself at your inner strength and confidence, it is in there and its waiting to be utilised.
So when we look at the title again and ask “WHAT’S STOPPING YOU” it’s your primitive mind, your primitive mind is shouting louder than your rational one.
Learning to take control of that mind and regain intellectual rational control is the focal point of Solution Focused Hypnotherapy.
I can already hear the first critical voice “ Its lock-down I can’t do anything so I will just wait till December” NO!!! Get looking on the internet, get thinking about what you can do and get yourself a plan. Having a goal or a plan is a definite positive for our brain, it likes to know where it is going.
If you feel that you or someone you know could benefit from taking control of their mind, then please do get in touch for a free initial consultation.